A letter to my second born

My beautiful second born,

I watched you crying on the floor
today as we waited outside of the occupational therapist’s office for your
brother. To people walking by it looked like a typical two-year-old tantrum. To
me, it looked like a two-year-old who doesn’t understand that his brother has
autism.  This is both a wonderful, and
difficult thing.  Every day you get to
wake up and play and jump and run around with your big brother. You laugh at
one another and are the best of friends through and through. Then, your brother
starts shaking his head back and forth, so you begin to do so too. Or, you are
equally upset if one of our routines is disrupted. You want to be like him, he’s
your big brother! I love this about you. You don’t see your brother as a
disorder, you see your brother as your hero. I want him to remain a hero in your
eyes, he is one of mine as well.

Then comes occupational therapy,
and he gets to go back and play and jump and you sit in the waiting room with
me. You don’t understand why, and I wouldn’t expect you to. I hope you one day
realize watching you struggle is as hard as watching your brother struggle.
When I worry about how your brother’s diagnosis will affect his life, I also
worry about his diagnosis will affect your life. You deserve so much more time
and attention than I can give you at times. The funny thing is, when I am
sitting down feeling guilty about this there you are. You are there to fill me
with all the hugs and kisses and love a mom could ever want. A gift I truly
appreciate as your big brother has a difficult time with these gestures.
I know we have difficult days, and sometimes life is unfair to you. I am also able to admit that this is partially
due to your brother’s condition. What I am not sorry for is the person it is
shaping you into. You are kind, and empathetic, and patient. You have a
beautiful soul and a light that your brother shines in daily. He is brave when
you are brave, and he is (more) outgoing, because you are outgoing. I see you.
At the young age of two, I already could not be more proud of you. Your brother
is one of my heroes, but so are you. Thank you.

Love,

Your mama.

Imagine for a second that it is a hot summer’s day. You see a pool, and decide you are ready, you’re going to jump in  and let the cool water engulf your entire being. 1…2…3…. you get to the edge and stop. What if the water is too cold? What if it goes up your nose?  What if nobody else jumps in? This is the feeling I am experiencing at this exact moment. So…here…it…goes...

I’m…jumping….in

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

 I am Candice. I am a mother of two boys and a wife to my college sweetheart. We reside in Southern California and are both currently in grad school. Our passion is special education and are pursuing degrees to work with that population. After starting our degrees, we received an Autism diagnosis for my eldest son. So, there it is. That’s my blog. Parenting, Autism, Special Education, home life and everything in between. I hope to engage readers while building a network of support for anyone in a similar situation as myself. Thank you for stopping by!